One Senpai, Two Girls
by CinnamonDragon1
Summary: Mayor Goatari loves her Senpai. She loves him so much. And she thinks he's all hers- that is, until she meets Lunette, a home designer who ALSO WANTS SENPAI! And the fact that Goatari's Senpai already knows Lunette really well DOES NOT HELP. Who will get Senpai to notice them first? Featuring Jambette- don't ask why. Just. Don't.
1. sexy Jambette

Mayor Goatari sat at her computer googling images of Jambette. She leaned forward and began to drool in pleasure as the ugly frog's face made google a terrible place. Slowly, she moved the little cursor to the word 'video' and clicked. An image of Jambette's butt appeared and the description read '10 hours of meh sexeh asssssssssss'.

Now who the hell would want to watch that bullshit? Mayor Goatari of course. The red-headed weeaboo of Rosa and sole subscriber of Jambette's stupid youtube channel.

ANYWAY, she clicked the thumbnail. BUT YOUTUBE WAS BUFFERING!  
"SHIT!" she said as she banged the table. "NOW I HAVE TO WAIT FOR JAMBETTE'S SEXY BUTT!"  
Annoyed at the buffering screen, she looked up at the corkboard above her. Right in the middle there was a picture of that ugly Jambette. Goatari felt the drool coming back.  
"Aww yeah." she relaxed a little. "Sooooo sexeh."

She relaxed some more.

She drooled all over her dress.

She fell off her chair.

The video started playing.

Jambette twerked for her

The door opened.

"G? I knew you would be in here." her neighbour said with a loving smile. "How are-" he saw Jambette's butt and his face went white. "you- erk!" he coughed and fainted.

Hearing the commotion, Goatari paused the video and turned to see her beloved neighbour Phil lying on the floor and twitching. She shook her head at the giant bird and sighed.  
"I guess he can't handle Jambette's sexiness. Typical Senpai."  
Goatari dragged him to her computer.


	2. Who is the guy on da corkboard?

"Hey..." A hazy red light was visible. "Senpaiiiiiii." a voice whispered. It belonged to the light.

"PHIL!" Goatari slapped his face and then everything became clear to him.

"Ohhh. Wuzzat?" he murmured, still half conscious. "Oh. Hey G."

"Hey sleepyhead! Are you ok?" She asked with a huge grin on her face.

"Yeah. Sure." Phil shook his head and looked up at the corkboard. His eyes widened as he saw the ugly green thing.

"G..." he said for a really long time. "Why the hell is that... thing up there?"

Looking at Jambette and then Phil and then Jambette again. She sighed.

"Aww, do I have to?" Goatari whined.

"Yeah. No more of that ogre."

"Her name is Jambette!" Goatari remarked as she took another picture out from her drawers. "And she's a _frog_."

Goatari slapped the picture on the corkboard, over Jambette's ugly face. "HAPPY NOW?!"

Phil examined the corkboard with a look of approval. "Yeah. He's good-looking as well. Unlike that frog."

"HEY!" Goatari cried "Jambette's prettier!"

"Do you know the guy?"

"NO! AND IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

Phil lifted his feathered arms up. "Hey, hey. I'm sorry. And also curious."

"He's from a different game altogether. Happy now?"

"No need to break the fourth wall here. But still. What game exactly?"

"Pokemon. Now shut up and talk sweet to me please. I _am_ a lady after all." Goatari pouted and crossed her arms.

But Phil wouldn't shut up about the guy. At all.

"Did you randomly search it up? Wait. You wouldn't know unless I told you."

"Phiiiiil..." Goatari growled.

"But I wouldn't know the guy so someone else told you." He continued. "Who was it? Was it a friend? Someone who knows Pokemon?"

"PHIL!" Goatari yelled. "STOP BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL YOU HYPOCRITE!"

"But. But. Aww." Phil forced a tear out. Naturally, Goatari hugged him and cried even harder.

"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY I'M SORRY! I WON'T YELL AGAIN SENPAI! I PROMISE!" 

By then Phil was laughing. Goatari stopped apologising and kissed him hard. "I wuv you Senpai. Hehe."

"Even more than Jambette?"

"Yeah."

"That's all I wanted. Bye now carnation lady."

"BYEEE!" Goatari waved as Phil left the room.

She loved him. She really did. And although he annoyed her sometimes, she still loved him. To her, he was the best Senpai ever. All she wanted was for him to notice her. Nobody would take her Senpai. Nobody...


	3. Jambette smokes weed and stuff happens

After the events of the previous day, Goatari decided to go outside and do what she does best outside: stalk Phil. As she opened the door, she hummed upbeat vocaloid music and opened up her red parasol.  
"Ah, Phil-senpai! Today it's just me and you- again! Nyeh heh heh!" she said to herself, imitating the laugh of Undertale's Papyrus with her annoying helium voice. She walked along the dirt path extending from her house when she decided to look for Phil at the plaza just south of her house. So that's what she did.

Jambette was sitting in front of the giant tree in her revealing red bikini smoking weed right in front of Isabelle, who was resisting the urge to throw up on the ugly frog. The other villagers were far away from Jambette because she stank so much of weed. Unfortunately for her, Goatari came running towards her.

"OH MY GOD JAMBETTE-CHAN! I WANNA SMOKE WEED WITH YOU!" she squealed like the excited fangirl she is.  
"Aw hell naw bruh!" Jambette backed away as Goatari started drooling in delight.  
"You ain't touching mah weed girl!" Jambette held her fat little arms in front of her but this didn't stop Goatari from advancing.  
"JAMBETTE I WATCH YOU TWERK EVERY DAY AND I LOVE IT!"  
"Wait, you serious?" Jambette let her guard down as Goatari nodded in agreement.  
"SO SEXY! AND THAT ONE TIME YOU TWERKED TO THE OPENING OF LUCKY STAR? OMG SO KAWAII! JAMBETTE-CHAN I WANNA TOUCH YOUR TITTIES!" Goatari was really drooling now and she had her titty-grabbing fangirl hands out.  
Feeling extremely uncomfortable, Jambette called the police.  
"NOOO! JAMBETTE-CHAN! NOT THE POLICE! I'M JUST A KAWAII INNOCENT LOLITA GIRL! NOOOO!" Goatari cried, her titty-grabbing hands now tear-covering hands.  
"Da poo poo coming for you now, _bitch_!" Jambette said triumphantly.  
"Isabelle? Help me?" Goatari asked.  
"No mayor, you harassed a resident... AND NOW I'M REALLY MAD! GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" Isabelle's face became so enraged that it became the rage face.

Copper came and arrested Goatari.

* * *

Later on that day, Phil came to bail Goatari out while conversing rather deeply on his phone.  
"Oh? You're free from work? That's great! Does that mean you'll come over?"  
"Eh? Phil-senpai's having someone over?" Goatari muttered to herself.  
"Great! I'll see you in Rosa- at the Roost, you know, where we used to get giant mochas for the both of us? Hang on, I've got a friend here that I've gotta talk to for a bit" He hung up and turned to Goatari who had a distant look in her soulless black eyes.  
"Senpai... A friend- ah! Phil! Nyeh heh. This friend-"  
"She's an old friend of mine."  
"Ol-Old friend?!" Goatari choked on those words and fainted.

When she woke up, she found herself under Phil's kotatsu, her favourite place in the whole entire world.  
"This friend- she will NOT HAVE SENPAI!" she screamed.


	4. Dialogue in The Roost

"Senpai's mine! Senpai's mine! Sen- oh hey Phil-senpai! How are you?" Goatari said from under the kotatsu.  
"Hey..." Phil had a serious tone to his voice, which Goatari thought was a positive thing on her behalf. "I'm letting you come to the roost with me..."  
"Why so serious senpai? You gonna confess your love to me?"  
"You can come..." Phil continued, ignoring Goatari. "One one condition- do not do anything a yandere would do. Yeah?"  
"Yeah!" Goatari exclaimed in delight, completely ignoring Phil's warning.  
"Alright then- let's go."

When they arrived at the roost just south of Phil's house, Jambette and Isabelle were sitting at the table talking about how annoying Goatari was. The friend Phil spoke of wasn't there yet. Curious and jealous of his friend, Goatari decided to investigate them by bombarding Phil with questions.  
"PHIL?" she piped "WHEN'S THIS FRIEND COMING?"  
"Soon," he replied "She's running a bit late."  
"She?" Goatari muttered to herself. "PHIL? HOW DO YOU KNOW HER?"  
"She used to be the mayor of the first town I ever lived in, away from my parents."  
"Mayor?" Goatari muttered louder.  
"Yes: mayor." Phil confirmed because he overheard Goatari.  
"Senpai likes mayors- Phil? What town was this?"  
"Oh, you wouldn't know it- it disappeared ages ago when she quit her job."  
"TELL ME!" Goatari demanded, clinging to Phil and shaking him with impatience.  
"Whoa, whoa- calm down Goatari! Lahihi it was called- Lahihi."  
"La. Hee. Hee." Goatari said the name in parts, feeling the syllables roll around her tongue as she said them. "Lahihi! PHIL? WHAT DOES SHE DO NOW?"  
"She works for Nook's Homes in a distant shopping district- she designs interiors and exteriors for a living."  
"A home designer, huh?"  
Phil nodded, then the door opened and a really tall human woman came in.  
"Ah! Lu, it's been a while since I last saw you in person- you're certainly a lot prettier than ever."  
"Haha," she laughed with her gentle warm voice "You're handsome as well- so this is Rosa?"  
Goatari jumped off her chair and stood in front of Phil's friend, staring at her with her soulless black eyes.  
"Yes, this is Rosa- and this" she said pointing at Phil who was a lot taller than her "is my Phil-senpai. _MY PHIL-SENPAI..."_  
"Oh, you're friends then?" she asked, tilting her head as she did so.  
" _Hai."_ Goatari said quietly with a hint of hostility.  
Phil got up and lifted Goatari. "I'm so sorry Lu! She speaks in Japanese when she's mad- Goatari is that how you're really going to introduce yourself after what I said before?"  
" _Hai._ _Watashi wa kanojo ga totemo yoku anata o shitte iru hōhō ga sukide wa arimasen..."  
_ "Give it a rest Goatari- what did you just say anyway?"Phil said into her ear.  
"Oh!" Goatari exclaimed, sad that she wasn't doing something Phil liked. "I said: yes. I don't like the way she knows you so well. Good, right?"  
"Yes- she is multilingual!" Lu said, encouraging Goatari without considering what she actually said.  
"No, she just puts random phrases into Google Translate and learns them- it's not completely accurate." Phil sighed.  
"Oh," Lu said "at least it's the thought that counts- right?"  
"If you say so Lu..." Phil put Goatari down and sulked in his seat.  
"Yay! Senpai held me!" Goatari cheered as soon as she felt the ground again.  
Lu bent down to talk to Goatari, who was 3 feet shorter than her. "I didn't introduce myself properly- I'm Lunette Agnarsson. Call me Lu if you want."  
"An. Ar. Son." Goatari felt the syllables of Lunette's fancy Icelandic last name roll around her tongue like she felt the name of Lunette's old town. "Okay Lunette Agnarsson!" Goatari said cheerfully "Can I call you Lu-chan?"  
"Sure!" Lunette smiled.  
Phil sighed to himself as he heard his two friends interact. "Goatari changes her personality so quickly it's annoying."


	5. Lunette's revelation

"How about you, mayor?" Brewster quietly asked Goatari as he vomited into Phil's mocha.  
Goatari, who was sitting on Phil's lap was busy staring into his little black eyes and melting inside. She hadn't noticed Brewster because all she could think about was Phil. Lunette touched Goatari's shoulder, making the annoying little lolita turn towards her.  
"What do you want Lu-chan?!" Goatari yelled.  
Lunette let out an uncomfortable laugh "why are you yelling?"  
"Hmph!" Goatari puffed her face out and folded her little arms. "Nobody distracts me from Senpai!"  
"Mayor." Brewster said again, vomiting into Lunette's mocha.  
"GOATARI!" Phil hissed. "Answer Brewster!"

Goatari was dumbfounded as she realised why Lunette was distracting her from staring at Phil. "Oooooooohhhhh..." she began slowly. "I-I wanna super sweet MOOOOOOCCCHHHHAAAAAAAA..." She fell off Phil's lap.  
"God dammit Goatari..." Phil sighed as he picked her up.  
"With milk?" Brewster mumbled as he always does.  
"Uh, sure- she loves milk!" Phil quickly added.  
"Okay." He said as he vomited again. "Oh. Here's your drinks young lovers-"  
"EHHHHH? NANI?! YOUNG LOVERS?!" Goatari heard what Brewster said about Lunette and Phil and slammed her fists on the bar. "SINCE WHEN?! LU-CHAN! PHIL-SENPAI!" She grabbed the two tall companions and shook them while frantically looking for an answer. "NOT SUGOI! IS IT TRUE? IS SENPAI TAKEN?!"  
Phil desperately glanced at Lunette, who was sweating.  
"I-I-" Lunette began to say something but she was interrupted by Goatari who was so mad she couldn't be bothered to speak Japanese.  
"WHAT IS IT?! SPEAK NOW LU-CHAN!" Goatari was standing by Lunette and clenching her fists. Her soulless black eyes were even more ominous than ever.  
Lunette sighed and took a deep breath. She gracefully lifted herself off the chair and picked up Goatari, who now had an axe. Lunette was scared, but she didn't show it.

"If you want to kill me, go ahead. But please let me tell you about our past first." She began with a strangely soothing voice. This seemed to shut Goatari up for a bit. "Okay, here goes nothing: I was a mayor once, just like you. I was the mayor of a small town named Lahihi and just like you, I came off as immature and childish. However, as I settled into my job, I slowly started to mature and act my age- you see, I had a very disjointed family who were always leaving each other and this started with my sister. During all the bickering and separation I went insane and ran away to a distant town named Greyham. It was a shithole to say the least, but that's when I met Lobo: my first love. Sure, he was way older than me (I was only twelve you see) but we loved each other. I mostly loved him because he was the stable friend I never had while growing up at home. One day I found a ticket to Lahihi on his doorstep and left him. I still kept in touch with him, but I wanted to grow up a bit so I left. It was good for me because I got a job and that- as I said before. Things... Things really changed when Phil moved in. Back then, I had befriended some of the locals, but that was gradual; when I met Phil, it was instant. Haaaah. A small smile was all it took to begin our ever-lasting friendship that would later evolve into a grand blossoming relationship. Then I made the mistake of inviting Lobo to stay in Lahihi for a week; I told him I loved Phil; I told him I was happy with Phil; I made him jealous beyond all repair. One night, he-he kidnapped Phil and he tried to kill him and torture him. But it was his best friend Curlos and my best friend Blanche who saved him. That's when I realised that friendship and love will always stay, no matter what.

"Then, one month later in September, Phil... Left Lahihi without warning. I was devastated: shattered. Back then, I was still a bit immature and I simply wouldn't accept his departure! I spent the next year travelling from town to town, searching for my one true love. All while my other friends were leaving Lahihi as well. Perhaps they couldn't put up with my desperation for Phil. All of them but Blanche... She helped me realise that I should move on and look forward to the future; that tomorrow is always better. That my current hardships were nothing compared to the bountiful fruits of the future. Of course, she let me remember Phil- our love was always going to be memorable to everyone who lived in Lahihi and it was the most beautiful thing about Lahihi. However, I was still stuck in the past. That is until, _she_ showed up. It was a small miracle that seemingly came out of thin air. My sister... By chance she moved to Lahihi and opened up a McDonald's- I guess during those times, I simply didn't care what happened to Lahihi which is probably why Isabelle allowed a stinky, polluting McDonald's to be built. Anyway, I was getting fries for Blanche one day when I realised who she was. I still remember how her the troubled storm within her eyes cleared when she saw me, and my initial confusion followed by the return of our childhood memories when everything was fine. It was just like that moment when Phil's life was saved: a true friendship and a fond love will always stay, no matter what. We both left Lahihi, happy to be reunited with each other and I pulled myself together for a great future. Then, out of the blue, Phil got back in contact with me and here we are now.

"Feel free to kill me, Goatari. I've told you everything..." Lunette closed her eyes, expecting Goatari to murder her.  
"No..." Goatari's voice wavered. "I can't kill you when your life is so much better now! Lu-chan! Unhand me and let's drink coffee!"  
"So you're letting her live?!" Phil said in utter shock. "After how much she told you about our relationship?!"  
"What! she had a sad sad past, Phil-senpai! Respect her!" Goatari insisted in playful hissiness.  
"Woah, okay. Oh- our drinks are cold. I'll order more. Brewster! Can I reorder the same drinks?" Phil turned to Brewster and slid some bells across the bar.  
"Wow. You didn't even drink my milk." Brewster mumbled to himself. "Rude."


End file.
